Monday, November 14, 2011

Offering

In an attempt to begin a tradition of donating to an organization/organizations that help the less fortunate, I have come across several sites and wanted to share them in an effort to encourage others to look into it as well.

The idea that people worry about how they will be able to afford their next meal is a very sad concept, especially during a time of year that is so centered around bringing people together for feasting.
--Groupon, Feeding America, and Pepsi teamed up to offer an extended deal where you can purchase $22 worth of meals for only $11 each! 100% of proceeds bought through this Groupon offer are distributed through the Feeding American Organization to needy families; with Pepsi matching all donations up to $250,000!
--Holidash has compiled several different great ideas for how to help.
--The organization behind the national Dine Out Campaign, Share Our Strength, hosts many events throughout the year and across the nation that benefit those in need.
--A regular mom, and fellow blogger, has organized a fundraiser in order to bring Thanksgiving dinners to people who may otherwise not get to enjoy one this year. Jill at ScaryMommy is matching donations and buying gift cards to distribute to families in need. Go here, check it out, and help if you can.

--The Samaritan Ministries in my hometown of Winston Salem is currently holding a penny drive, and is always in need of donations and volunteers.
--Living Social is offering a deal where $15 creates a $30 credit for a USO care package for a soldier overseas, who not only probably won't get to enjoy the holidays with his or her family this year, but also don't get to enjoy just the everyday with them. The people of the military perform a service that is extremely appreciated, and as someone who isn't even remotely brave/selfless/willing enough to step up to the plate and do what they do, I think a care package is the least I can offer.
--I remember the year my mom was working one full and two part time jobs to support me, her and Hayli, and we came home one night to find a live Christmas tree on our front porch. To this day, we still have no idea who left that tree for us, but I know that I'll never forget the look on my mom's face- it was one less thing she had to worry about providing in her attempt to maintain some normalcy for us. Similarly, I'm sure buying a $10/$20/$50 gift card to a Walmart/grocery store/gas station, etc. and handing it to the single dad of 4 who looks like he's struggling, or offering to pay for the 5 grocery items the 80 year old woman in front of you has as random acts of kindness would probably be appreciated more than you could ever know. Use your judgement on who you want to give it to- it may be someone who truly needed it to survive, or someone who won't have to go to bed on that one night wondering which is more important to pay for-heat or food, or maybe it's someone who doesn't need it as much as it seemed.

Even if you don't care or can't to contribute to any of these causes, consider helping out however you can- whether it's donations of your money, time, or gently used items. I know everyone is busy, and I don't know too many millionaires, but Google your local shelters- human or animal, and take a peek at their wish lists and where they need man-power. Everyone can help in some way. Besides, imagine all the good karma.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

A Sad Day

Yesterday being Matt's birthday was upsetting enough for everyone who knew him; but unfortunately, Matt's parents' best-friends lost their son in a motorcycle accident last night. Please keep them all in your thoughts and prayers at this very sad and painful time.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

It Happened to me too

When I was nineteen, I felt like I had the world at my disposal. I had just finished a successful freshman year at UNC Charlotte, made tons of friends, had a life plan, a great family, and a boyfriend I imagined having in my life- in one way or another- forever. His name was Matt, “Mattbear” to his mom and me. His favorite foods (read: the only foods he really ate) were pepperoni pizza, Bo*rounds from Bojangles, hamburgers with mustard only, and Mountain Dew. He went to UNC Wilmington and is the smartest person I’ve ever known. He amazed me daily with how incredibly smart he was and he could do anything with computers. He was weeks away from joining the military, an incredibly gifted swimmer (his breast stroke was phenomenal), and great with kids. He was funny, smart, annoying, mischievous, genius, handsome, charming, lovable, talented, and dangerous in a way and I was drawn to him for all those reasons and more. When I stayed overnight at his house, he brought me midnight snacks of Kajun Krab dip on bread rounds, and watermelon when it was in season. He loved my dog Minnie (RIP), both of our families, the movie Happy Feet and pretty much every sci-fi show/movie/book he ever encountered. We celebrated two anniversaries every year- the day we started dating secretly, and the day we said I love you (I said it first, though he would tell you he made the first move to kiss me the first time). No matter what he did to upset me, he could always make me smile but pushing the squishy tip of my nose- my “happy button,” as he called it. He always held my hand in the car and let me take an annoying amount of pictures of him and us (which I am even more grateful for in retrospect). I’m not saying he’s an angel, because he wasn’t- none of us are. He had his faults, just like everyone else but I loved him deeply, and he loved me, possibly even more than I did him. Even when we got to be at each others' throats, I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

Matt died August 8, 2008- overshadowing opening day of Summer Olympics, he was never one to let anything get more attention than him.

His birthday was today. He would have been 23. Twenty three.

He’s been gone for 1188 days now and not one of them has gone by that I haven’t thought of him. All those cliché things you hear like “it seems so long ago and like yesterday at the same time,” and “I miss him so much it hurts,” suddenly become real feelings. I think about him every day but sometimes weeks can go by without me getting sad. I can think of the time we were driving back from the lake with our friends Carrie and Blair and they told us that us holding hands in the front seat reminds them of our parents and we went into a full skit where Carrie and Blair were our children for the remainder of the drive home. I can remember how I felt sitting in the first booth in the smoking section at Brick Oven while I watched him laugh with a mouth full of pepperoni pizza covered in crushed red peppers. Sometimes I get sad, but it’s fleeting- it subsides to another happy memory of him, or I drift out of the day dream that got me there just as quickly as I drifted into it. But sometimes- and it’s these times that make me question my strength- the sadness floods over me, sweeps me away into total sorrow and it can be overwhelming, crippling. It can be breath taking, cloud my mind, make my stomach turn, attack my nerves and senses. I can become careless, anxious, reckless, irritable, reclusive, self-pitying.

My friend Laurel found an article while Stumbling and sent it to me a couple of weeks ago: It Happened to Me: My Boyfriend Died. Without even reading the article, you can probably guess what it’s about. I brought myself to read it and just cried. I felt for her, I understood her absolute sorrow- she was me. Sometimes in feeling sorry for myself, I forget that there areother people who have been there, who have experienced (and are still experiencing) the same kind of great loss. The story of Greg and Lela was different than mine and Matt’s of course, but it was equally as tragic.

Matt had a sore throat. He went to a doctor who started treating him with medicine that would have helped make him feel better had he actually had mono. But the doctor was in a hurry and experiencing some life-changing things of his own at home, so he started treating him for mono before the test results were back. Since Matt had acute tonsillitis, the prednisone he was given worked against his body, made him septic, and ultimately killed him in a matter of hours.

I wouldn't trade the 573 days I had with him for anything and I’ll never understand it, but I have accepted it. There’s nothing I can do to change it. No anger or resentment or constant questioning will bring him back. He was someone who could have changed the world. His friends, family, and I will never stop missing him. I started writing letters to Matt a long time ago. I know he’ll never read them, but it’s therapeutic to me and makes me feelclose to him in a way. I wanted to share one:

I hate saying it, but there was a possibility wouldn’t have spent forever together, wouldn’t have gotten married and had the kids we always talked about. It would have broken my heart to see you with anyone else, but it would have paled in comparison to the hurt my heart feels, even now, to know that I can never even speak you again. It kills me that we can never run into each other and catch up over pizza and burgers, that we never got to even have a legal drink together, that we can never drive your mom crazy because of our cigarette smoking, that at some point in the future your parents are going to be at my wedding and it won’t be to you, that they’ll meet my kids and they won’t be yours. Everyone says life isn’t fair, and after losing you, I know that it really isn’t. But the most unfair thing in life is death. Especially yours.

I know I have to live the rest of my life knowing that Matt isn’t alive, and I wish it wasn’t the case, but J.K. Rowling said, “To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever.” I always used to say “love you more than air” and he’da nswer with “can’t breathe without you” (or vice versa) and sometimes I really feel like I can’t breathe without him; but Matt is my guardian angel, and I know that he will be with me forever.

xo .Happy Birthday Matt, miss you always. xo
Yes Matt, I see the orb on the right side of the picture. Thanks for showing up for yet another photo shoot of us.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Being Pretty Woman is not as Glamorous as it seems

I LOVE HALLOWEEN! I'm not sure exactly where it ranks in my top three favorite holidays since it's pretty much tied with Christmas and MY BIRTHDAY (yes, May 13 is a holiday-feel free to celebrate). This year for Halloween, I decided to be Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman- not one of the fancy versions, but the street walker version:
It only took a trip to Hobby Lobby, Forever 21 and Goodwill and I had the pieces of my costume together. Now I wasn't a dead ringer, but it came out pretty much exactly as I wanted:
Friday, the 28th, we went on our second annual bar crawl in Uptown Charlotte (so much fun) and while leaving bar #3 for bar #4, my thigh-high 4.5 inch heeled boots betrayed me. Truth be told, I think it was equal parts heels, steepness of stairs, the fact we were being herded down them so quickly, and perhaps a dash of alcohol. Either way, I fell down the stairs. OK, I rolled my ankle and fell down two or so stairs, but my butt hit the ground, that constitutes falling. Since I tore over half of my nail off on the way down, I was more concerned about my bleeding finger and didn't immediately realize how badly I was hurt, thought it was just twisted, walk it off. So I did just that- walked it off right to bar #4. It was only after I got my finger bandaged, and the pain of actually being able to see that injury subsided, that I realized my ankle was on the verge of busting the zipper of my shoe. Time to go home. I iced my ankle while we waited on our pizza to be delivered, took some ibuprofen and went to bed. I woke up at 8:30 to a throbbing golf ball in my ankle and made a beeline to the orthopedic urgent care. I'd like to pause to let everyone know that the OrthoCarolina University is hands down, THE best urgent care I have ever been to. I literally waited two minutes in the waiting room and was seen quickly once back. Every single person I dealt with from the front desk, to the x ray tech, doctor, and everyone in between was professional, showed genuine concern, and had great bed side manner. Luckily, nothing was broken. Unfortunately, three torn ligaments from my foot to ankle + a pulled ligament from my ankle to knee = boot for 4-6 weeks and crutches. For anyone who has never had the absolute pleasure of getting around on crutches (which was me until the fateful fall), one day on them is a day too long. I'm on day seven, can anyone tell me how to get up stairs?